Facilitating mental status examinations and writing psychosocial histories are one of the funnest parts of my job. There’s nothin’ like a mental comparison of yourself to someone else. I love to think, ” I’m not quite as much of a
pogue weirdo as I had previously thought!” After having written email upon email, asking the fun folks at the APA to consider Schizophrenia as many separate issues, so to speak, rather than one diagnosis, I decided to hop on the Axis II bandwagon and submit some of my own research. I’m in the process of making this assessment tool both reliable and valid. Once I’ve done that, I can start to work on creating some really nifty evidence-based interventions to cure the Micks of… many things.
Please use this self-screening instrument to assess yourself. We’ll discuss this during you’re upcoming session with me. (Don’t call my office to schedule something– that was meant in pure jest. I really don’t want to get to know you personally.)
Please place a number next to each answer, using this Likert scale of 0=NEVER, 1=RARELY, 3=SOMETIMES, 5=ALWAYS. Assume NEVER is impossible. Okay. Ready, set, GO!!
_____ I’m not very keen on discussing issues related to my mental health.
_____ I’m shy and I hide it well.
_____ I make up for my shyness/introvertedness by actin’ a fool– being loud at the pub, being extremely talkative, and pretending that I know everything about football (soccer, really), Gaelic football, and/or cricket.
_____ I really do know everything about football, Gaelic football, and/or cricket.
_____ If I saw Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day, I’d be sure to push her into a frozen lake.
_____ I’m extremely cognizant of the time. I wear a watch when I shower and I sleep. Being early is on-time; being on-time is late. I feel really, really pissed when things don’t start on time.
_____ I consider going to the pub to get pissed when things don’t start on time.
_____ I endure some form of Catholic guilt, regardless of whether or not I practice Catholicism.
_____ I have a red-hot temper.
_____ I don’t feel the need to be politically correct.
_____ I have a good sense of humor. I laugh at most people/things.
_____ I’m musical.
_____ I’m a “good talker”.
_____ I’m friendly.
_____ I have a difficult time saying ‘no’ to someone’s face.
_____ The term, “philosophical”, has been used to describe me more than once.
_____ I’m not racist, but I just don’t understand the concept of “White Guilt”.
_____ I sometimes act as though and/or say that the Famine haunts me, either to make some kind of a point or for poops and giggles.
_____ I think the St. Patrick’s Day parade generally turns into an utter disgrace, reinforcing an Irish-American stereotype that our people tried to disarm over 100 years ago.
_____ I will get sick if I go to bed with wet hair.
_____ I consider (or considered) delaying marriage until I am older.
_____ Discussing sex, particularly within my family, is something I find rather embarrassing.
_____ I find myself worrying about health care.
_____ Whether I embrace Catholicism or not, I find that I am still culturally bound to many of its traditions..
_____ I find non-Irish wakes and funerals to be depressing.
So rate yourself and send me your answers. I will be ever so glad to provide you with an accurate assessment of your Axis II personality traits and will let you know how much you tend to stereotype yourself. Also, please let me know whether you or a family member have experienced and/or been diagnosed with organic psychosis and/or Schizophrenia. We Irish-Americans have higher rates of Axis I diagnoses, probably due stress and Catholicism.